"I let my PT ex-boyfriend coach me and now I'm in the best shape of my life": Six Lessons in Eight Weeks

My ex and I remained good friends long after our romantic relationship ended, so as he is a fantastic health and fitness coach as well as personal trainer, when he reached out to ask me if I wanted to free-trial an 8-week training programme to build his portfolio, I jumped on board. Here's what I've learnt about myself and about fitness in general from the last 8 weeks.

Anyone that follows my Instragram knows I have a health and fitness page alongside my personal account which I started during lockdown after a few of my friends had asked about my diet and how I was keeping fit. During lockdown 2020, as well as walking the dog every day, I spent a lot of time outside improving my yoga, training to do the splits, and doing a lot of HIIT to get my heart-rate up. My diet has always been consistently healthy and balanced, as a family never particularly indulging in highly processed foods or ordering take-out.

The habits developed from childhood served me well in adulthood and as a student at university, where I continued to update my fitness page. During my third year of university, I started going to the gym with my friends and I can't deny that this has changed my life. Being introduced to weight-lifting at the gym improved my physique, transformed my mental health, and gave me more of a purpose. I am now constantly in awe of what the body can do; how far can we push ourselves? How much better can we get?

I've been looking forward to writing this post since I started the programme (mainly because I found the trashy magazine-style heading quite funny) and I hope whoever reads it comes away feeling inspired, no matter what your fitness ability or goal.

PS. Enjoy the ongoing sunburn on my knees I got from cycling the British Heart Foundation London-Brighton in June:)

1. Self-discipline and listening to your body

   
   

When you get a PT or coach, their job is not to knock on your door every morning and get you out of bed to go to the gym; no one can make you go but you. If you don't have the will power and the desire to help and improve yourself, there is not a PT on this earth that can help you.

However, self-discipline is also not just about resisting sugary snacks and getting yourself to the gym, it is also about making sure you are resting. Our mind can be a scary place, and I know I'm not the only one that feels like they're wasting their day if they're not getting in some form of exercise or movement, and then wondering why they're always tired. Healthy self-discipline is this amazing thing that, yes, gets you to the gym and gets you to stick to your macro goals, but it should also make you get enough sleep, take the day off, curl up in front of the TV for a few hours, or take a long bath. You're no good to anyone if you burn out.

2. Let go of your pride and allow yourself to be led

Living in London, the gym gave me a productive way to spend my free time and gave me something to do before I'd really made a social life for myself. However, with no direction other than trying to improve as quickly as possible paired with my ego not wanting to ask for help, I was going nowhere fast. Allowing yourself to be guided by someone else takes letting go of your pride; it's okay that you don't know everything.

I had turned down a previous offer to take part in a coaching programme as I was worried I wouldn't have the self-discipline to achieve macronutrient goals and I would be too proud to let myself be told what to do by someone else when I already feel confident in taking care of myself.

What made the biggest difference for me during the programme was in fact letting go, doing as I was told and trusting the process. So we lowered the weight and increased my reps. Letting go of the idea that someone might be thinking “she’s not lifting very much…” and just following the programme laid out for me produced more results in 8 weeks than I’d seen over 3 years of my previous, unstructured gym sessions. Being able to ignore that anxious and paranoid voice in your head is not a skill that develops overnight and unfortunately it stops a lot of people from going to the gym or trying new things in general, but little by little you can develop the muscle memory for letting go of those negative emotions.

3. Communication is everything

Taking advice from a partner or a friend can be tricky; you want help without feeling critisised, and they don't want to be liable if anything goes wrong or doesn't work. We soon became able to communicate about health and fitness without me taking it personally, or him feeling wholly responsible for the outcome, and I am endlessly grateful for all of his advice. Know that any critiques that your PT or coach gives you on your form or on your diet is not personal; they’re there to help, they don’t mean to make you feel bad or self-conscious. Take the advice or comment for face value and don’t allow yourself to feel embarrassed or offended.

There are no such thing as stupid questions, but make sure you familiarise yourself with any sources they've provided for you before you text them. Coaches have most likely taken the time to create sources like e-handbooks, blogs and informative social media content to aid their clients with everything from meal ideas to exercise how-tos. It might be easier for you to just drop them a text, but consider taking the time to read through what they've already provided for you, as this will be considered as part of their price and you may also learn a lot more along the way.

4. Do not ego lift

Ego-lifting is a term in the fitness industry that can be used to describe the act of basing the weight you lift (or attempt to lift) on the idea of where you want yourself to be instead of on your actual abilities. It can come from poor self-esteem or maybe jealousy/comparison to others, and often leads to injury and actually prevents progress in both strength and muscle growth.

I realised that this was what I was doing and was why I was getting nowhere. I had some structure informing my workouts: I would go three times a week; two lower body and one upper body. Sometimes I would add in slightly more advanced techniches like drop-sets and supersets, but with no consistency. I did four sets of four excersises per session, followed by 10 minutes of cardio. The only thing I did consistently every week was squats, otherwise I would switch everything else in and out, over-complicating things with movements I'd seen on Instagram. I was also doing anything between 4-12 reps exercise-to-exercise, meaning I wasn’t training my body for power nor hypertrophy nor endurance, but a mish-mash of everything.

Coaching re-evaluated my routine and, as aforementioned regarding letting go of pride, I let go of how this might look to others (spoiler: no one cares how much you lift), stopped trying to achieve a new PB every session, and ignored the voice in my head that made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough. What we worked on was maxing out on reps instead of weight. I couldn’t believe the results this yielded, and at risk of repeating myself too much, I’ve seen more results in 8 weeks because of this than I’ve seen since I started going to the gym in 2021.

5. Half of the results are in your diet

I’ve always eaten a healthy diet but when I received my macro goals for the next 8 weeks, I was baffled at how I was supposed to achieve 170g of protein every day while also keeping calories, carbohydrates and fats within target.

It took me until the end of the first week to get an idea. Using some products from Bulk such as their Collagen Coffee and Clear Whey to get me reaching those higher protein goals without the calories, I made sure that my diet consisted mainly of whole foods and real forms of protein, such as chicken and eggs, as opposed to relying on shakes and bars.

I was already in good habits, never reaching for sugary drinks or unhealthy snacks, so this was a good foundation to build from, there were just a few hacks and tweeks I had to make to keep me in the macros that transformed my body in those 8 weeks. I think a lot of the results I - and many of my friends and collegues - have noticed have been a result of these changes,

a. I turned 1/2 an avocado for breakfast every morning into 1/4. This saved me about 60 calories and 5.5g fat every day, which sounds crazy but when I was only allowed 65g of fat everyday, it was a case of 'every little helps'. It meant I could contiue to enjoy my favourite breakfast without really any compromise, which is how I believe one can stick to a 'diet'. It doesn't need to be restrictive and should be enjoyable.

b. I was already eating 3 eggs for breakfast every morning, but I reduced this to 2 whole eggs and 1 egg white, and then to 1 whole egg and 2 egg whites. There are essential nutrients and vitamins in egg yolks so I don't think we should cut them out entirely, but for the sake of refining your diet as much as possible should you need to to achieve results, this was an easy tweek.

c. My rule of thumb became eggs for breakfast, chicken for lunch, chicken for dinner. Whether the chicken was accompanied by rice or salad, this somehow never got boring for me. Switch up anything you like from what you season your chicken with, to what goes in your salad or what flavour rice you get (Peri-Peri and Caribbean Rice and Peas both by Tilda are my faves).

d. Watch out for sneaky calories like sauces and dressings. Other small tweeks that didn't compromise the enjoyment of meals were that of switching cooking oil for 1 cal spray, and either using much less dressing or no dressing at all on salads. Salads can be made so delicious without dressing by what you put in them, like adding cucumber and tomatoes, herbs like corriander or basil, or maybe even a low-fat cheese option like reduced fat mozzarella or feta, which also contributes to your protein goals.

e. Who doesn't have the hankering for a little something sweet after a meal? Make it protein based. All three meals of my day would be followed by either a protein bar or a protein yoghurt or both, adding up to 46g protein to my day (Aldi protein pouch (25g) or Arla protein yoghurt (20g) + Bulk Crispy Macro Munch bar (15g), Bulk Macro Munch bar (20g) or Grenade Oreo protein bar (21g))

6. Pat yourself on the back

In the weeks following the completion of my 8-week programme, I’ve learnt to celebrate small wins, and not be hard on myself for having a less-than-average day.

Celebrating small wins and being proud of yourself instead of waiting for someone else to congratulate you strengthens the positive voice in your head. The more you give power to the negative voice that says “you could have done more today”, “that girl can lift more than you - you’re so weak”, “you didn’t lose any weight this week”, etc, the stronger it becomes, and it becomes harder not to fall into that spiral. Having my workouts written down and being able to track how much I’m lifting each week gives me a clear overview of how I’m improving, and having Strava for my running has encouraged me to celebrate small wins like reminding me that I may have just ran my fastest mile, my second fasted 5k or my first 12k. Create a more positive narrative for yourself by telling yourself (out loud in the mirror if you have to!) that you did a good job today, that you tried your best and that is enough, that you deserve this rest.

Remember, you will not hit a new PB every day, or even every week, but getting up for the gym, showing up for that class, or getting out for that run makes you 1% better every day - whether you hit a physical PB or if there was no tangible achievement but it got your endorphins pumping and lifted your mood, there is always something to celebrate.

:)

My health and fitness account: @worksfordaisy_

My coach's account: @buleyfit