2024 in review (eek)

When I turned 24 in August I was set on writing a post on "24 things I'm grateful for at 24" and unfortunately I wasn't able to get my head down and finish it. Now it's the end of the year and it's become a year-in-review post, instead. You're welcome in advance for the free therapy you're about to get.

It's not that I couldn't find 24 things to be grateful for. There are hundreds of things to be grateful for: I have a roof over my head; I have access to clean, running water; I live in a country where there is no war. I think I was waiting for something really witty and interesting to come to me rather than those obvious ones. The thing is, it's those 'obvious' ones that we take for granted and forget that, globally, 26% lack safe drinking water, 31% do not have reliable electricity, and 46% lack proper sanitation facilities. We do forget to count our everyday blessings.

Right now, I'm feeling very Ross Geller (shock she's referencing Friends) in The One with All the Thanksgivings, when he says, while playing a game where they list things they are thankful for "Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmm." When I look back over the year, I think "Wow, I could so easily freak out right now" (Rachel Green on having nowhere to live in The One Where Joey Gets a Porsche"). If you're outside my immediate circle, you won't know what I'm referring to, so at risk of sounding like I'm hosting a pity party, I will outline. In July, one of my best friends moved to the other side of the world indefinitely. In August, on my birthday, I was dumped by someone I thought was really going to go somehwere (no wonder I didn't feel like writing about what I was grateful for). In September, I resigned from a job that I wish I could have loved after experiencing a negative employee culture and having to report a coworker for misconduct, and was hired in October for a job I was over the moon excited for. By December I was unemployed.

My point is that, despite these (albeit first-world) problems that can slowly knaw away at one's self-esteem, at the end of the day I live in a country where, if I hear a loud noise, I know for 99.99% certainty that it wasn't a bomb or gunshot. I live in a country where there is free healthcare, and have access to a family home that I could move back to should I not be able to pay my bills. Without invalidating my own or anyone else's negative experiences, it does bring you back from the brink of utter hopelessness when you mindfully remember what you do still have to be grateful for.

In November 2023 I was signed off work with stress and anxiety and chose to start taking a prescription as a last resort for my mental health, and whether I can attest my much improved mental attitude towards these events to that little pill or to the genuine effort I've made to apply everything I've learnt in therapy, I'm not sure. I do like to think it's mainly my conscious effort to change my thought-behaviour patterns, and that the pill is there to keep things balanced as behind-the-scenes support.

The old me would have been beside herself miserable, drowing in a sea of uncontrollable negative voices repeatedly saying "24, unemployed and single. 24, useless and unloveable. 24, loner, loser and complicated wreck."

I've been waiting to be blindsided by this moment of weakness that I give in to the inner critic and cry until my tummy hurts into my duvet at what a failure I am. Just writing this I cannot believe this used to be my reality. And it's not happened. Fucking Hallelujah. As flat and directionless as I felt immediately after I lost my job, I have found the silver linings in every event and talked myself off every ledge I've found myself lured towards by my old thought patterns. As reminded by my friends and family, bullets were actually dodged. I couldn't have been more pleased at the PBs I hit when I went out for a heartbreak-fuelled run post-dump phonecall. And now I'm past the initial emotions of losing my job, I am so excited at the opportunity to take my career in a fresh new direction (that sounds like I'm forcing it but I'm genuinely so excited).

Learning to have a positive mental attitude is not something that develops overnight and learning not to suppress negative and irrational thoughts but to hear, soothe and control them takes work. Something else I'm starting to work on, as I've reflected that I have quite an addictive personality, is to sit with uncomfortable feelings. This means not texting that person you know will bring you comfort and/or attention when you feel lonely, and not reaching for the cigarette or vape when you feel anxious or hyperactive. Noticing and sitting with the uncomfortable feeling and then distracting yourself with something healthy or productive -- like going for a run, tidying your room, writing... -- helps to break what really is just an addictive pattern that was nothing more than a short term chemical kick for your brain and keeping you captive, making you think you "needed" it.

Learning to live without the things and people my brain was tricking me into thinking were the real deal and learning to bring focus back to the positives in the here and now have to be my biggest take-aways from this year.

Amazing things that have happened in 2024:

1. I got to see my sister for almost two weeks in Canada and got to go skiing on Whistler.

2. I moved house to the area of London I've always wanted to live in.

3. I cycled from London to Brighton and contributed to raising £1M for British Heart Foundation.

4. I signed up to and began training for an ironman-distance triathalon weekend happening July 2025.

5. I completed an 8-week coaching programme that transformed my body and proved to myself I do have the self-dicipline to stick to a plan.

6. I ran my first 10k.

7. I ran my first 20k.

8. I ran two half-marathons.

9. I got sent two annonymous compliments from coworkers.

10. I got some new piercings I'd wanted for a while.

11. I won a signed Jamie Oliver cook book after baking a cake for a charity bake sale (I think this is the first thing I've ever won?)

12. Two healthy baby boys were born into the family and I've had the pleasure of spending time with both of them.

13. I made new friends.

14. I got to spend time with old friends (and their partners and children).

15. I turned a happy, healthy 24 and swam in the sea on my birthday.

16. I got given a job that I didn't apply for as a result of interviewing so well and they wanted to place me elsewhere in the company.

17. I got highlights!

18. I met Kate Moss!

19. I saw Green Day live!

20. I got accepted to be a ski rep for two weeks over New Year, which means I'll get to see out 2024 from the Alps.

21. I joined three different run clubs and loved all of them.

22. I read some super interesting books.

23. I cooked some amazing food for myself and for my friends and family.

24. Found that love, actually, is all around.

    
    

High Performers x Run Limited, November 2024, photo by Harry Taylor-Bull

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