Alderton, Storr and Sykes: your digital big sisters

Veering away from heavy, psychology-based non-fiction in an attempt to find myself and tell my therapist I'd been doing my homework, I've been reading a lot of Coleen Hoover (of It Ends With Us viral fame). But when I need a break from fictional toxic relationships and steamy sex scenes, I've turned to the wise words of who I have now coined my Digital Older Sisters: Dolly Alderton, Farah Storr and Pandora Sykes. Let me introduce you.

Previously the Editor of Cosmopolitan from 2015 to 2019 and Editor of Elle between 2019 and early 2022, this was where I first discovered Farah Storr's writing while I was subscribed to the publication in 2021-2022. I flipped past the first 1001 pages of pretentious adverts, to get to her insightful and engaging editor's letters. Storr set the tone for this magazine; it was for real women, interested in real topics, without it ever getting too heavy, too political. Perfect for me. Now Head of Writer Partnerships for Substack and editor of Substack Reads, her own Substack page is called Things Worth Knowing (which I am now also subscribed to). Storr indeed writes about topics and women worth knowing, engaging in Q&As so readers can get to know her guests, often empowering women paving ways for themselves. Like reading a manuscript of a one-sided conversation with your older sister, best friend or maybe a work bestie that has a lot more experience in the field than you, my commute on the Northern line is made brighter and my work lunchtimes are fuelled with inspiration when an email notifies me of a new post from Storr.

Her latest post (at the time of writing this) in conversation with Melissa Hemsley - a chef whose dishes I am already inspired by on the daily, many of which are in my saved folder on Instagram - is a brief yet comforting read, again, making me feel like I want to sit cross-legged on a sofa with a steaming Pukka tea and quietly listen in, helping myself to any bitesize pieces of life advice I can, as if I were dipping a Dorito into a bowl of Hemsley's Feta-mole.

Not only are her and her guest's words inspiring and enlightening, but reading her articles also guides me to women I didn't previously know about, one being Pandora Sykes.

Already a best-selling author and previously a fashion journalist for the Times Style magazine, and now an active Substack-er and podcaster, my first glimpse into her work is her collection of essays in a book she called How do we know we're doing it right? I can safely say I've never read a book in a week, but I couldn't put it down. Her dry humour, fearless motherhood-ness, her seemingly endless ability to multi-task, and (sometimes not so light) cynicism on the world around us had me being that loser on the tube smiling, chuckling and actively nodding at the words under my nose. At times feeling personally jabbed at her comments on oat milk and yoga being a "privileged" form of self-care, I couldn't help but laugh at myself for her unapologetic stance and ability to say what we're all ready thinking. Not only touching on the privilege of wellness, but also calling out the gender pay gap and revealing infinitely fascinating statistics. As well as feeling educated, I also feel empowered by her writing. Nearing the end of her book of essays, in Looking forward to hearing back, she highlights how women are more likely to use "apologetic statements" like 'I think..' or 'would you mind', or my personal favourite '...if that makes sense!'. These implications of self-doubt epitomise how women have been conditioned to be much more apologetic about themselves and their opinions than men. I have since caught myself removing these self-doubt-isms from my emails, having more faith that what I've written does, indeed, make sense.

Sykes was also known for her (unfortunately now defunct) podcast with fellow millennial journalist Dolly Alderton. Still a huge figure at the Times Style magazine, Alderton is my final Digital Big Sister. Having grown her following greatly through being the Times Style's Agony Aunt, her column going by Dear Dolly, I knew I had to buy a hardback copy of her book Dear Dolly: On love, life and friendship. Her third publication since her first in 2019, this collation of answers is presented by categorising her answers into seven chapters; dating, friendship, relationships, family, sex, break-ups & exes and body & soul. Partly inspired into categorisation by the work of well-known Agony Aunt Claire Rayner, Alderton writes in the introduction to her book, who streamlined her own Agony Aunting by categorising both questions and answers, for example, by identifying a reader's problem as a number 45, it could be resolved with answer 78 - combining an Agony Aunt response with a horoscope; possibly ambiguous, yet somehow extremely relatable and applicable.

The reason I wanted the hardback copy of Alderton's book, was that I plan on keeping it forever, referencing it for help, passing it onto my future children. The beauty of how Alderton answers the reader's problems not just in the timelessness of her advice, but in the way she has found a way to stay perfectly indifferent, compartmentalising her personal opinion on the subject from the answer she actually gives. In the introduction to the book, she explains the importance of compassion and the ability to put oneself in not only the protagonist's shoes, but also in the shoes of their antagonist, be that their partner, ex, friend, or family member. Hell, she could probably put herself in the cat's shoes had the problem presented to her been "my cat keeps shitting on my bed, how do I re-establish dominance in my own home without making her feel unwelcome or pushed out? I want us to be a team. SOS, claphamcatlady69".

In the last few years, my personal growth has been exponential thanks to the people in my life - shoutout to my therapist (now ex-therapist - woooo recoveryyyy) and my best friends who have to listen to my shit - and also equally to myself for cutting out the people that didn't bring me joy. I'd now also like to whisper into the ether a 'thank you' to the women mentioned in this post, not only for pushing for their own voices to be heard and generally being a role-model for aspiring female journalists, but for inadvertently driving me to finally put my own thoughts to paper (as it were). It's brought me so much joy reading their work, and I feel myself growing wiser and more enlightened with every word of theirs that enters my mind through these books and columns. It brings me even more joy knowing I could be spreading the love by raving about their work for free. If, like me, you're a twenty-something attempting to navigate the shit-show we call society, go buy their books. #notsponsored

Farah Storr's Substack Things Worth Knowing: https://substack.com/profile/59125994-farrah-substack?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email

Pandora Sykes' collection of essays How do we know we're doing it right?: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Know-Were-Doing-Right/dp/1786332078

Dolly Alderton's Dear Dolly: On love, life and friendship: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dear-Dolly-Friendship-instant-bestseller/dp/0241623642